Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
