I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
