shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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