I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
