My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize