you guys were way drunker than both of me
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
