Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
