Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
