Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
