Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize