that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
