M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
