what day is it and did you see me today?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
