dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
