Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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