Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
