sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
