They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
