He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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