Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
