I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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