how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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