You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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