I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Two words: blizzard sex
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
