Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
