I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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