I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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