ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
