I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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