If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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