I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Your cock deserves a montage
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
