I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
