We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
