so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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