I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
