Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
