i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
