I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
