I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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