It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
