i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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