I haven't been this sober since birth.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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