In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
