i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
