I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
