dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
