Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
