I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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