You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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