thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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