I wish my penis had an off switch
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
