I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just gargled with NyQuil
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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