When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
